Dear Gym

Dear Gym,

It wasn't you. It was me. I just couldn't bring myself to be with you every. single. day. It was too much. I needed to take a little break in our relationship. I needed more time to sleep eat double stuffed oreo's spend with my family.

I know that it has been over a year since we last got together, but I've had lots of time to eat, I mean think. After much soul searching I have decided we should get back together. I promise it has absolutely nothing to do with this embarrassing moment. Or the fact that my pants wouldn't button this morning. It has more to do with the fact that I really need you. Oh how I need you.

I promise to give it a go. I give you my word that I will show up and not wish I was in bed somewhere else. I hope you will open your heart doors and let me back in. I need your weapons of fat destruction to whip me in shape. And if possible, could you do it by Christmas?

Your fluffy girl,
Me

A Storm is Brewing?

I am a weather kinda girl.

I check weather.com every morning to know how to dress my children for the day.

I know all the weather personalities on the weather channel.

I refer to them by their first name.

Jim. Mike. Stephanie. Dr. Steve.

And I may or may not consider them part of my family.

So imagine my surprise when huge clouds arrived yesterday bringing an onslaught of rain.

I had no clue.

How did I not know this?

Has my head been in the books so much lately that I didn't even know I needed to prepare for the imminent arrival of Ida ?

Apparently so, because I just caught up on all-things-weather and we are under a flood advisory, high wind advisory, and are expected to get 8 inches of rain by Friday night.

Excuse me while I go stock up on non-perishables and bottled water.

And gas up the boat.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama.

Yes, I know it's not Monday.

Welcome to my life.

I did not spend 4,167 hours of my precious time this past week writing a 5 page essay for my Old Testament class.

Nope, not me.

Because that would make me want to swear.

And swearing about a religious paper just doesn't seem right.

My professor did not suggest that we needed to turn in a flawless paper.

Perfect grammar was not suggested either.

I did not evoke the help of my friends, neighbors, family, teachers, and random people on the street.

I would never ask them to read and critique my paper.

That would be asking for trouble.

And opinions.

And lots of red ink marks all over my paper.

Thank heavens I wasn't foolish enough to do that.

The stress would have been too much.

Just to be clear, I did not ingest 5000 additional calories every day hour second.

Because feeding stress with Halloween candy is a "no no".

Especially if it is chocolate Halloween candy.

And more especially if it is bite size.

A Gentle Reminder

A tragic accident occurred a few weeks ago.

It involved a four wheeler.

And a 17 year old.

He was a friend of Chase.

His mom, a dear friend of mine.

Somehow blogging just hasn't felt right.

There wasn't much to write about.

Nothing seemed funny.

Or witty.

I couldn't type anything that seemed appropriate.

I cried often.

My heart still breaks for his family.

I. can. not. imagine.

I can't even begin to.

I don't know how I could endure the loss of a child.

And yet, I do.

I am most grateful for the faith I have and for the understanding that this family will be reunited again one day.

That knowledge alone brings me great comfort.

I am grateful for the power of prayer.

I am also grateful that I have been given a gentle reminder that each day is precious.

Let us all be reminded of that.

Hug your children a little tighter today.

Tell your family you love them.

Mend fences.

Build bridges.

Make that phone call you have been putting off.

Have a picnic on the living room floor.

Laugh.

Buy ice cream.

Dance.

Live with no regrets.

Be happy.

Dear Mr. Gas Meter Reader

Dear Mr. Gas Meter Reader,

I would like to send you my deepest apologies for the image that I feel certain will forever be etched in your memory. As you rounded the corner of my house this morning, I am sure that you were not expecting to see me. And by me, I mean ALL of me. Perhaps you got a little too close to my window. I don't usually make it a habit of parading around my home nekkid. Most of the time I can be found completely covered. But today, my dear reader of my meter, was not your lucky day. I had just showered and realized I forgot my towels. The linen closet is just outside my bedroom. I tiptoed to the closet. I reached for the towels. And. there. you. were. It was definitely a case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I am quite certain that you were not prepared to see that much white, dimply flesh. I pray you did not eat breakfast this morning. Oh, how I pray. And I hope this will not cause you to have aversions to cheese that is cottage. (Though I feel sure that it will) I hope your corneas will heal soon and you will not intentionally overcharge me this month.

The nekkid chick in the window,
Me

You know you live in a small town when....

You pick up the local paper and read this:

On Sept. 28, a woman reported someone pried open her front door and stole the following: Food valued at $4 and a speaker box valued at $50.

On Sept. 29, an employee of a local grocery store reported someone stole the following: A bag of chips valued at $1, two packages of lemon drops valued at $1, and a box of aluminum foil valued at $1. All items were recovered and the incident was cleared by an arrest.

Seriously?

Do we not have anything more exciting to report?

I have more excitement going on in my home than that.

On Sept. 29, a five year old stole his sisters Oreo and refused to give it back. He denied the incident but was found guilty when the evidence of said cookie was all over his face. Punishment is pending.

On Sept. 30, an incident of assault with a deadly weapon was reported as a thirteen year old, who certainly knew better, whacked his little brother in the head with a ping pong paddle. Punishment was immediately administered.

Oh, and for the record...if I am ever caught stealing, please let it be for an 87" plasma and not a ham sandwich and cough drops.

Not Me! Monday

It seems like ages since I have participated in this little ray of sunshine I call Not Me! Monday.

Actually, I didn't name it.

MckMama did.

It is her thing...I just participate.

Let's get started, shall we?




I did not let my first born play football this year.

Nope, not me.

He is a seventh grader for heavens sake.

I am protective of my babies and am quite fond of their bones.

I am especially fond of bones that are in one piece.

If I did let my first born play such sports, I most certainly would not let him play far from home.

And certainly not in remote locations that do not have cell phone service.

Or paved roads.

I am kidding about the roads.

I think.

I must know where my children are at all times.

And what condition their bones are in.

So, I would never, ever text every person that I knew to find out about said bones.

Or teeth.

That would be a tad bit overprotective.

And that is definitely not me.